I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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