Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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