I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
