I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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