i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
