The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
