she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
