Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
