That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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