i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize