The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
