I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
