note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
