I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
