Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
