what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
