I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.