Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
