The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
