i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
