well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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