You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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