Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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