Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
