I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No subtext here. People are naked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
