Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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