just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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