You just made me feel so damn special
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
