New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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