a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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