it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
