Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
