just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Text me some of your sweat
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