even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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