True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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