Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
