I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
