she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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