I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
