Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
