She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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