Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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