My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
