i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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