The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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