bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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