The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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