i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
