I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
