i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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