Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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