there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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