How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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