I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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