Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
