I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
