i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
