Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
